Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
