Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I want her autograph on my taint
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
