Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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