i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
