Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
