I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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