I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
