I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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