I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
