you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
