So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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