I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it's like iHOP with fire
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
