Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
