Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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