First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
