i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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