Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
