Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
