he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
