he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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