Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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