Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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