i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I just put wine in my tea
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
