Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
that is very illegal...i love you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
