is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
