All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
