you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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