you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
