Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
