I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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