Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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