just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
