I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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