saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
