so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
