so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
