broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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