Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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