Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
