I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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