Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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