Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
