just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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