I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
They took my balls.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
