someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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