went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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