Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
