i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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