their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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