I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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