dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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