Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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