if you like me you must not know who I am
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
